I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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