forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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