her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize