I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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