Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
