It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
