meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
