YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
