Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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