Christians are straight up FREAKS
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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