I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
