Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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