I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
