I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How's work?
Spinning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
