life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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