I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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