Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
