At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
