Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
