I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
