I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
