Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
