I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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