I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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