where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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