call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
