One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
