all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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