a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
