Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
