We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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