please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize