and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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