my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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