WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize