my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
