Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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