dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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