i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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