Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
