I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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