i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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