that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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