Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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