When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
