Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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