I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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