How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
