mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
