Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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