I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
