Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
