Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
