Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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