Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
