For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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