I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
