Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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