We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
