What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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