Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
