I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
