clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
