Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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