I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
