Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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