at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
