this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
