Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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