whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
