I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
